I sent off to the University of Swansea for an information pack on the Masters Degree course they are running on Wittgensteinian studies and received it the other day. It contained no information about the course whatsoever. I suppose they just thought that anything they could tell me about the course was meaningless, so they would not bother. I would not mention this, but Wittgenstein was mentioned in Ricky Gervais’ podcast today, in relation to talking lions.
Frictionless Bass is going jogging on Thursday. I don’t know what this means, but I am all in favour of it, as long as I don’t have to join in. I’m built for stealth rather than speed, a very slow kind of stealth, like a glacier or continental drift. I remember when South America joined up with North America. I had been sat around trying to finish reading Ulysses when all of a sudden very slowly the two continents collided, and I did not notice until I turned around to go for a swim and the water was gone. This disturbed my reading somewhat; I was hot and bothered and in need of a cooling dip. In fact I still have not finished reading it. I know some of you might point out that Joyce had not written Ulysses at the time that I am alluding to but obviously you don’t realise that Joyce translated it from the original Martian, which is the version I had a copy of in hardback.
All the bulbs are putting up their green shoots in the back garden and it is beginning to feel like spring out there. It won’t be long until we can start having barbeques out there and making all the neighbours’ washing smell like burnt flesh. Those are two separate events, in case you were wondering.
It is only 10 days before our first gig. Time to learn how to tune up I think. I’ve been putting it off since I met up with Stockhausen back in the 1953. He beat me savagely about the face and neck for saying that his Kontrapunkte sounded out of tune. I have been terrified of harmony ever since.
9 comments:
What method do you favour for getting the neighbours' washing to smell of burnt flesh?
Myself I like to steal the washing, screenprint a copy of the album cover to "Burnt Weenie Sandwich" by Frank Zappa on to any suitable shirts or T-Shirts, bin any bits of washing that are not suitable and submerge the other bits (the screenprinted bits) in a pool of offal for three days. I then re-peg the washing on the line and set light to it.
The resulting odour can be smelled four streets away.
That is quite labour intensive. Luckily my neighbour's laundry items are all made from meat; ham shirts, bacon socks, spam mittens, beef curtains, that sort of thing.
All I have to do is catapult burning rodents, or on occasion a pelican or giraffe, over the wall. We don't get on so well.
I like your style, I really do... but I like mine better. The pelican motif is good, certainly, but I feel that my use of the album cover from Frank Zappa's legendary masterpiece "Burnt Weenie Sandwich" completes the overall artistic statement.
Did I mention that whilst the burning ensues I also dance around in my garden, naked save for a thin smearing of pig's blood and a tastefully arranged string of pork sausages around my genitals, brandishing a flamethrower and chanting "BURNT MEAT! BURNT MEAT! BURNT MEAT!" over and over and over and over and over again?
Although some may consider this to be a dead giveaway as to the identity of the local washing-burning maniac, the police have yet to arrest me.
They're clearly afraid of the pig's blood and what it might mean...
HA HA HA!
You remind me of a young Keith Chegwin. Although he would smear himself with the blood of shrews, or so I'm told.
I must like you for I am not going to release my killer wild dogs into your home at midnight.
Normally, of course, no-one should be allowed to live if they compare another man to Keith Chegwin (except in a negative sense such as "you are totally unlike Keith Chegwin")
I would just like to take this opportunity to mention the Frank Zappa album 'Burnt Weenie Sandwich' as I feel no one mentions it enough.
By the way Mr Frictionless, was the Joyce you mentioned actually Yootha Joyce who also starred in the popular 70's sitcom 'George and Mildred'?
No, I meant Major Eric Joyce, Labour Member of Parliament for Falkirk, you know, the one Roy Hattersley described as an embarrassing sycophant.
For some reason I keep thinking of an album by Frank Zappa but I cannot remember the name of it. It's something like "Burnt Weimar Sand-Wedge" or something. Any ideas?
I think it was 'Bert 'n' Ernie's Grand Hedge', which supposedly contained subliminal gardening tips from the popular pair of puppets.
Sorry chaps, I just realised it was "Chunga's Revenge", not "Burnt Weenie Sandwich" anyway. Easy mistake to make.
It's a pity really because there haven't been enough mentions of the Frank Zappa album "Burnt Weenie Sandwich" for my liking.
In fact, I'd like to mention "Burnt Weenie Sandwich" at least one more time... "Burnt Weenie Sandwich".
Much better.
Post a Comment