Mostly whelk grease, with a hint of "Authentic Flavouring".

I have new shoes! I know that usually I go through something of a saga regarding shoes and I tell you all about it, but this time I was cool and decisive and when a hole appeared in my current pair I was off to the shoe shop the next day. This is unheard of efficiency and I hope that it is a good omen. I also bought myself a new pair of jeans, since the last ones got ripped by Hugo the Cat, who also farted on me.

So tonight I am going to see the King of Despair play in the Singleton Hotel wearing my New Clothes. Going out in New Clothes is a rare event so I am really quite cheerful. Thank goodness it will be raining so I will still look like shit when I get there. Moderating!

I wrote a CV for the Frictionless Man today; or rather I put the stuff from the website on a piece of paper and called it a CV. We need a CV for the British Council apparently. The only half decent picture I had for it was one of Monica and me drinking tea and eating cake in the back garden. Some may think “quirky” I say “leisured”.

Dream news: Last night I had a dream about the cake I have in our fridge. It a lovely Danish chocolate cake that I bought from a supermarket the other day. It is filled with strawberry jam. For some reason I still have not had any of it. But in my dream I was slicing off pieces as big as our TV and scoffing them down so fast I bit off the tips of my fingers. I think this must be a warning; I must work out a system that will tell me where cake ends and fingers begin. I wonder if there is already a system about which I can modify to my needs. How, for instance, do you know when you have finished eating a tongue sandwich? I shall write to my MP and request of him an information leaflet or handbill.