We’ve got a gig in a week. We are in the Inferno supporting a band called High Wire on the 22nd of September. High Wire are supposed to be the next big thing. Come along and throw yourself around to the music. What could be better?
We will be doing one, maybe two, new songs on the night: All my life I give you nothing you want more, which is a funky little number that you can swing your sexy hips to, and maybe Substance, which you can conceivably even do the Jerk to. If you don’t know how to do the Jerk maybe you could do the Mashed Potato.
No monkeys today. Instead I was pissed on by a herd of invisible giraffes who were standing astride the path to work. It’s the inconsiderate nature of nature that really gets to me. These giraffes had the whole damn world to piss in, why did they all have to piss on my chosen route to work? And do you know how much of a stigma the stench of giraffe urine is in the NHS? It is a very big stigma indeed. Still, there’s nothing wrong with being a pariah.
I’ll warrant that anonymous cannot answer this one either.
31 comments:
So 'High Wire' are supposed to be the next big thing are they? I wonder who decided that? Do they play edgy guitar-based indie rock? If so, I can't wait to see them. Notice how much harder it is to detect sarcasm in the written word.
Have you ever wondered why there are no invisible fossils of invisible short-necked giraffes?
Also, I'm surprised that you're playing in the inferno again if what I heard is true; that you have to pay to play there. I hope it's not, as there are few enough decent venues in Swansea without owners charging bands to play. If it is, then the owner seriously needs to fuck right off.
Yes they do charge now, and this is our last time there I think. I'm sick of the bloody place.
I have not got a clue about what a High Wire sounds like. All I can think of is people in soft soled shoes balancing above sawdust. I wish I could think of something else....
Huzzah.
And hurrah?
Bummer. But still, I am glad when you guys come to the inferno because it's so close that I can just pop up in a couple of minutes. For some reason I'm very busy these days ;)
See you on the 22nd.
Mark Overy is a web god! Mark Overy is a web god! Mark Overy is a web god!
Flattery will get you everything :)
What about the invisible short necked giraffes then?
Oddly enough you have to flatter the ghost of Sylvia Plath's uncle, Cockschwartz the Clown, to get an invisible short necked giraffe, fossilised or otherwise.
I tried it on a balmy summer evening just after the war whilst I was recovering from my operation for my porceline anus.
He revealed two things to me: firstly, invisible short necked giraffes were alive and well and living in a housing estate in Kent; secondly that I bore a striking resemblance to David Niven sucking on a pear drop.
I thanked him and he returned to his damned existence in the third circle of hell.
That's just outside Manchester, isn't it? I wonder if Cockschwartz does children's parties. He could probably make balloon short necked giraffes.
I know nothing of this 'High Wire' of which you speak. In fact I know nothing at all. Period.
(Pause for inane childish laughter... "Snigger, snigger; I said Period")
I have taken the liberty of employing an invisible archaeologist to begin an invisible Indiana Jones style quest for the invisible fossils of the invisible short-necked giraffes.
Unfortunately he requires an invisible sponsorship fund. Any donations would be gratefully received. Please post invisible cheques (not invisible money, the invisible postman might nick it) to "Invisible Archaeologist Fund, PO Box 1nv, No Town, Cheshire, c/o - The Big Grey Nothing"
You will notice that, since I am currently sitting just outside Manchester I am uniquely well placed in this Blog to comment on whether it is (or isn't) the third circle of Hell. It isn't. It's more like limbo. Lots of very low down dancing etc.
Have you ever noticed that giraffe wee smells of pineapples?
I would like to talk a bit more about the word pariah
a person who is not accepted by a social group, especially because he or she is not liked, respected or trusted
cambridge english dictionary 2005ish
Strange isnt it that most of the intresting music is made by those who have not been liked respected or trusted, especially in modern times (80's on) the "Geek" or "Outcast" at school has generally gone on to make it as a good musician (not always famous, but good).
Radiohead, geeks at school. Muse, geeks, Morrisey outcast at school,
I'm Bored now, can anyone think of any others I know there are more.
I am convinced the bible was mis understood, it should read
The Geek shall inherit the earth.
were coming, namely cos we are the ones that can design and build bigger badder guns, bombs and death rays, and when the revolution happens we shall have shell suit wearing chavs chained working in mines or somthing,
P.S
anouther band for you
jfoeytrlgnsikrdioftgb:- organised coherent understandable gibberish, rapped in a martian accent accompanied by the heady sounds of a transylvanian folk rock funk band.
Late night was it?
Is that Hughes the Booze from up north? Hello, fancy meeting you here. How the devil are you?
When the revolution comes and the geek inherit the Earth, we will still need someone to hate. Thus it has always been, thus it shall always be. We can't hate the chavs in the mines because they will be beneath contempt (as they are now). How can we feel any strong emotion towards those that are so pathetic?
My vote is that we all club together and make Morrissey the pariah's pariah.
Morrissey shouldn't only have been an outcast at school. He should be recognised as the whining talentless git that he so clearly is.
...and yes, 'tis I: Monsieur Hughes t' Booze from oop int' North. (Late of Satori etc). Morriston Burns kindly sent me a hyperlink to this Blog. Nice to be here.
Nice to have you Hughes.
I can muster a bit of contempt for anything actually, be it chavs or geeks. On account of me being excellent and them being rubbish. I am also very modest.
Morrisey is a git. I can spend about ten minutes listening to him and then I have to drink myself insensible so that I don't try and gouge out my own eardrums.
I like your attitude. Kind of says: "I'm not arrogant; I'm just better than you" to the whole world.
Up here (sorry, oop here) there's a whole "I'm from the North, therefore I hate anyone from the South" vibe at times.
I guess if you were to adopt this philosophy you'd have to relocate to the North Pole.
Not too many venues for live performances up there, but probably more than Swansea!
Is lap land where all the lap dancers come from? If so, why so they get on with Poles so well?
Now you've gone and done it. You've mentioned gigs, that means my pestering gene has activated. Can you get us a gig oop North? By eck tha' would be reet grand of thee.
I will do my best. There's a rather good music club in Crewe called The Limelight I could try for you.
Can you send me a CD, or tell me where I can download some MP3s from?
Ah, I've been expecting you Mr Hughes (as I say this I am of course stroking a big pussy....!).
In this future geeks paradise, will frictionless guitar be Jesus?
Oh do like stroking a nice pussy.
Fnar fnar...
Well I know I'll be changing my name to Cockschwartz and joining the circus when the revolution comes.
He can Jesus himself up to the hilt, and I imagine he probably will.
"Messianic tendancies can be dangerous to the health", it says that on the packet when you buy a do-it-yourself son of god kit, y'know...
Just don't come crying to me if you get nailed to a cross for saying that it would be nice if everyone was nice to each other for a change.
Me the son of god, never, more the estranged bastard son of Loki, the Greeks are coming back,
Oh, did you actually mean Greeks not geeks all along? Now that throws a whole different light on things. If the Greeks inherit the earth, will we all have to live on a diet of spit-roasted lamb and ouzo? I'm up for that. 'Typical' I hear you say; up yours, whoever you are. Oh dear, I'm pre-emptively arguing again with no-one - oh well, hand me the litheum, or whatever they use these days....
I think he mistook Loki for a Greek god when he is in fact one of the Norsican pantheon.
If the Greeks did inherit the earth I suppose we'd see a spread of the Cretian vice. And we'd have a lot more dynamite fishing, which they are quite fond of I hear.
I'm still worrying about spit-roasting a lamb.
I find it impossible to hear (or read) the phrase 'spit roast' without thinking of the sexual perversion of the same name (if you're unaware of it, usually 2 chaps and one lady are involved. Charmingly the name sort allows you to guess what each of the protagonists roles are relative to one another).
Don't worry, we're all aware of the other kind of spit roasting 'down south', and I did kind of expect someone to think of that as I was writing it. But, I hope you know me well enough to realise that I could only have been talking about food, especially as there was a lamb involved; living in the country hasn't influenced me quite as much as that!
Jolly good on all counts!
(1 - that you've heard of the adult recreational practice, 2 - that you haven't taken to applying it to livestock and, erm... 3 - you still like eating).
Yes, no and yes.
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