Exploits of the Frictionless Man as it wanders around the world like some kind of slippery hydra. Music, words and pictures a speciality.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Splice in Horn Grease, simmer and sling.

Whoa there! What are you doing? How would you like it if I replaced all you ligaments with liquorice shoelaces? No, I don’t care, put it back the way it was or I’m going to sell you to a glue factory. Yes, they make glue out of little boys, just like they made glue out of little Peachy Peachy Puppy Dog. Stop crying. And bring me a stone that I can throw at your mother.

In the glossy magazine: I have been drunk all day. Day after drunk that is, I have not been sat here getting pissed up, rather I did that last night and for some reason the shaky queeeeze is still flipping through my gut pages. I really want fish and chips, with lemon on my fish, vinegar on my chips and some tartar sauce to go with it. And mushy peas with a hint of mint in them. Can’t have them though. Like so many things, I want them and I cannot have them. I am a coiled spring of rooooooiiiiigggge.

In the sports pages: Rhysaurus is staying with us for a few days because he is being chased by arctic terns and vampire beagles and had to lay low whilst he mixes his potions for Boots. Last night we played poker and drank and thus came today and its gripes.

On page 3: Saucy Frictionless Man likes it all the time and preferably from at least three fat ugly stupid middle aged men who live with their mothers.

In the bin: I have been crying onto writing paper so that when I start writing poetry to sell to teenage miseries it has the taste of real grief. To make myself cry I think of buying a puppy and having to look after it all my life and one day, whilst changing a light bulb, it kicks away the chair I am stood on, I fall, snapping my neck and as the life ebbs from body I see puppy dog laughing and laughing laughing laughing ha ha ha ha ha.

Hat news: You’ve got to be thinking canvas this spring.

That all.


Stacey said...

HI have just stumbled on your my space page and love the song. When are you coming to portsmouth, hope its soon can't wait to meet you, maybe we could hang out a bit as well.

Have played your music to alot of my friends, some of them like it, others, dont, but what do they know, they are all into shit bands like radiohead, the pixies and other indie, or metal. They dont appreciate people like daniel bedingfield. I think you sound alot like him, you are going to go far. Hope you can send me a signed photo or somthing.

lots of love

The Loose Moose said...

That is possibly the best thing ever. here's hoping you get through this.

Mr Frictionless said...

Thank you Stacey. Glad you liked the song. We're not "on the road" just yet, but will be by the end of the year, so who knows where we'll end up?

Hey the Moose. You're probably right, I gotta.

Hughes the Booze said...

Yes Mr Frictionless. You and Daniel Bedingfield certainly are 'peas in a pod' (obviously some sort of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers reference).

Ha Ha Ha.

Glad you're not 'shit' like Radiohead.

(I wish I was as 'shit' as Thom Yorke or Frank Black, then I would be universally recognised as a towering musical genius. Universally, that is, except for Stacey from Portsmouth).

Hughes the Booze said...

PS - ignore my bitter ramblings I'm only jealous that you have a fan.

The Loose Moose said...

And she is a lady at that!

Hughes the Booze said...

Lady boy is more likely.

[Note to self: STOP BEING BITTER!!!]

satori adaptor unit (EU, USA compatable) said...

Um, I think Dottore Hughes is on to something here. Have any of you (apart from Master Hughes) actually heard Daniel Bedingfield? I thought not.

On a more refreshing note I think it's time to mention SATORI (in capitals) again. We are currently writing a musical called "Wide Boy Bum Boys of the Blitz". It's all about a group of homosexual spivs and their sexual/recketeering adventures in the bomb tossed streets of the East End between the cheeks of 1940 (at the height of the "Battle of Britain") to the uncertain days of sudden death in 1944 (when Hitler threw his last throw of the dice in the disployment of the, so-called, "terror weapons"; including the V1 "doodlebug", V2 "Schneider" and V3 "conditioner"). We are looking for somebody to turn the pages of the score whilst the band plays and we, obviously, thought of you Mr Frictionless. Want the job?

Hughes the Booze said...

Wow - The Frictionless Man is given a fan and an offer of a WWII related hand job in one set of postings!

What a week for the smooth male one.

Mr Frictionless said...

I'm not familiar with Mr Bedingfield's work, but I know his sister loves me an awful lot.

I would like to work with Satori on their musical, which I am sure will be quite nice, but I am also working on a musical in the vein of "Confessions of a Window Cleaner" and set in India in the forties, on ice.

It will be called "Gandhi - The Randy Handy Mahatma - On Ice."

Hughes the Booze said...

Is that the one featuring music by Salman Rushdie's punk-pop power trio "Smoked Salman and the Fatwah Fish"?

Mr Frictionless said...

There is a comedy interlude with "Nutty Nehru and his Ganges Goons."

They're a bit rubbish, but punctual.