Exploits of the Frictionless Man as it wanders around the world like some kind of slippery hydra. Music, words and pictures a speciality.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Toasted Viper or Legless Grilled Lizard?

Back now. We have been away oop North looking at Liverpool. We made our way to a piece of the Wirral called New Brighton and found a lovely little part of England. We’re both very enthusiastic about it now; we did not know what to expect and when we got off the train in Birkenhead for a bit of an explore we were a shade disappointed. And scared. But that soon changed when we got back on the train and got to the coast and New Brighton. Delightful. It has a beach and a lighthouse and a Fort (which has nothing to do with Napoleon, as highlighted by ace historian Oliver Smith) and quiet roads and a cheap train line directly into the middle of Liverpool. And the rents are cheap as well, cheap rents in nice houses.


We have recently received a silver box thing from the telephone people that pipes extra television into the house. Most of it, as far as I can tell, is pissy-grime but some of it is acceptable. It even lets you watch a programme that is not actually on at that time, which is bit sinister if you ask me. This can only lead to the disintegration of our social fabric. Imagine if it got jammed and would only play “Songs of Praise”. Like having you eyes and ears gouged out of your head by frosty pig feet.

This “Anarco-Vision” lead to us being able to watch Cardiff based Sci-fi oddity “Torchwood” which Monica has deemed “quite good”. I can’t quite warm to the idea of the Welsh accent being involved in the investigation of extra-terrestrial activities and I don’t know why. Maybe it is because I sit in an office with a lot of Welsh voices bellowing down telephones and I just want my escapism not to sound like reality. If they all had crazy Italian accents it would be far superior.

“Hey! Luigi! There’s an alien and it’s a gonna bite you inna your faaace-a!”

That would be sue-poibe.

I mention this television programme because it made the pair of us ponder our readiness to suspend our belief in some cases but not in others. We were prompted to do so when a Welsh woman, possessed by an alien which had manifested itself as a purple sentient gas which had escaped from a piece of debris that had crashed in Cardiff after flashing across the sky in a ball of flame, gained entry to a nightclub by kissing the bouncer. “That would never work” we chimed. We could accept the possession, the gas, the meteor and the ball of fire but not the susceptibility of Cardiff bouncers to female persuasion with a mere kiss. “She must have special powers” we thought. And so she did. Illusion restored.

16 comments:

Lee Relfe said...

I gave up watching after the second episode. It's a spin off from Doctor Who, and uses one of the weakest most annoying characters from that series ('Captain Jack') as the main character. It seems like the writer just thought " I like Doctor Who, but I wish it could have some sex in it. I know, I'll milk out a few more alien stories and stick it on later so there can be shagging!".
I just ended up thinking, "I wish they'd hurry up with the new series of Doctor Who".

Mr Frictionless said...

It was a bit saucy wasn't it? I was left rather unenthralled I must say, but then again the new Doctor Who did not ring my bell either. I just found myself thinking "I hope you all get eaten by horses".

And the music was too loud. And everyone in it is so insufferably smug or stupid. Or whiney. Or shouty. And no one has a nice speaking voice. Not like Tom Baker. He had a lovely speaking voice.

"Anyone fancy a jelly babaaaaay?"

Of course, if it was all set in Milan it would be much better...

"Hey! Luigi! I have to reverse-a the polarity of the newtron flow."

Anonymous said...

I have been informed that I have a welsh accent. Tis most perplexing. Also we won the damn war, why is it Napoleon that gets remembered, surely it should be a regency era fort or maybe a mad king georgian fort?

Mr Frictionless said...

It's not Napoleonic at all, I was simply regurgitating facts from an often suspect source. Foolish boy! Should I change it or leave it as testament to my slip-shoddity?

Construction was started in 1826 and was completed in 1829. It was initially manned by the 4th Cheshire Company of Artillery Volunteers and later by New Brighton Company which would come to be known as the 1st Cheshire and Caernarvon Artillery. Soon after the turn of the century they joined with the 1st Lancashire Artillery Volunteers, forming the Lancashire and Cheshire Heavy Brigade.

Does that make up for it? I don't think so. The shame feels like having golf clubs for legs and cricket bats for arms. I can't stop pooing, because of the grief.

Mr Frictionless said...

I've made an amendment.

Anonymous said...

I feel somewhat guilty for inspiring such an undeserved feeling of innadequacy in you. Your historical error aside (an ignorance who's existence I was ignorant of) I was merely commenting on the the shamelesspiece of self publicity that has led to 'napoleonic era' being a recognised era when it should infact refer to the 'era of imperialistic republican france getting a right royal licking from Britain and to a lesser extent the Ruskies. I thought history was written by the victors not the twice loser croissant chomping euro-trash!

Mr Frictionless said...

I'm sure someone will tell us why. Maybe that nice Anthony Lewis Ba (hons) will ask his wife to tell him whether he knows or not.

Ardbeg D-H said...

History is written by the Historians, surely? The victors were probably doing something more interesting than what amounts to crusty academic PR.

Though, having said that, why go through all that boring stuff ravaging the fallen enemy's maidens and drinking wine out of the skulls of the defeated men when you could just sit in an office and compile memos to everyone about how great you are and how well you won the war?

Glad you liked New Brighton. We've got a shop there, you know...

Ardbeg D-H said...

...Oh, and like my good compadre Mr Burns I really liked the new version of Dr Who and I think that David Tennant speaks very nicely for a Scottish man pretending to be an English-sounding alien (as written by a Welsh bloke).

Torchwood isn't a patch on it, but I'm still watching it because I have no critical faculties whatsoever and therefore I, like Monica, have pronounced it 'quite good'.

Rhys Hughes said...

The reason why Monica can't say 'Torchwood' without it sounding like 'quite good' is because she's Danish!

You don't have that excuse!

Mr Frictionless said...

I, on the other hand, pronounce it "Torchwood" but spell it "Novelty Throat Cottage".

Ardbeg D-H said...

It's all true. In mitigation I am deeply, deeply ashamed of myself and recognise the fact that I am a social and cultural pariah who deserves to be ridiculed every time I open my mouth to make some comment about anything in popular culture.

Lee Relfe said...

I've been pronouncing it 'cunt spasm', no wonder the wife's been giving me funny looks. I think that's the reason anyway...
I much preferred the second series of The new Doctor Who as I really like David Tennant as the Doctor; he plays it with just the right degree of 'mentalism'. And if that's not a word I don't fucking care, it is now.

Mr Frictionless said...

Of course it's a word. What does a mentalist practice? Mentalism.

I am studying to be a Leslie Granthamist.

Lee Relfe said...

I've heard of that; instead of writing a thesis, you have to murder someone then spend years acting in a crap soap opera while steadily losing your hair.

Mr Frictionless said...

I wanted to enroll on Leslie Crowther studies, but my face lost structural integrity whilst I was being fitted for my 1st Semester Spectacles.

Leslie Ash studies are not so popular there days either. And they only do Leslie Nielsen at Oxford, which I am not clever enough for on account of my brain being made of sponge. Victoria sponge.