I’m losing count of the number of times that I say “we’re in the hands of madmen” (and I have been counting). Do you ever get the feeling that you’re living in a small bubble, outside of which utter insanity is raging continuously? Why is Britain spending £25 billion on new bombs and associated bomb paraphernalia? What happened to the last lot, are they no good anymore, did the fuse get wet? Wouldn’t all that cash be better spent on finding ways to make people less inclined to blow us up other than threatening them with annihilation? Probably not, everyone else is stark staring bonkers as well.
What I want to know is why no one will donate some cash to those of us who really don’t want to get blown up so that we can go somewhere else and lead happy, fruitful and peaceful lives. There must be loads of people who just want to get on, do a decent day’s work in whatever field they are best suited to and get on with their fellow human beings. I know I’m one and I’m not special. Surely if The Man just gave us a big heap of cash and we all went off to live on Mars it would be fine.
“Don’t worry about us, Mr Man, you just get on with your insanity, try not to break the whole planet though. We’re just going to try and not die in a pointless, stupid and dehumanising fashion” we would say. “You won’t miss us much, I’m sure. Unless you wanted us around so that you could blow us up, in which case piss off.”
How many people can there be who are making all the trouble? Am I one of them? If I am causing any trouble, please someone let me know and I will mend my ways. Is it my fault that people keep blowing other people up? Is it my fault that there are these people who just keep coming up with new reasons to send men with guns and bombs to places where they can kill people? I try to imagine how I would feel if one day I was walking along, minding my own business, maybe going for a pint in the local, and all of a sudden, bang, I’m a disputed statistic. I doubt, if I was in condition to have feelings about it, I would be best pleased.
If dead people had opinions would they say to whoever did the blowing up, “Well as long as you didn’t mean to do it, that’s ok. You can’t be angry at accidents.” I wonder if the leaders of these armies and terrorist organisations really care about humans at all. Judging by the number of them they get through I have my doubts. In fact, I am of the opinion that most of these leaders, be they leaders of nation states or armed organisations or loony church congregations, are sociopaths who do not value human life in the slightest. I’m finding that I can’t cast the net wide enough. In a reversal of my earlier statement about going to Mars why not send every damn fool cretin who thinks you can solve a problem with a gun or a bomb off to Mars and let them get on with it. I like Earth and I would like to see Llamas one day. And wild tree frogs.
While you’re at it you can send whoever it was who decided that no one can face the reality of how much things cost when the price comes up in an advert. Nothing in this country actually costs three nine nine. I think you will find that the numbers three, nine and nine when placed together means three hundred and ninety nine. If that number is preceded by one of these - £ - it would mean three hundred and ninety nine pounds, Sterling. When I find the person or persons who started this and all the people who continue this most irritating of phenomenon I may have to shake them until they see sense. Or bite them on the thigh.
English Cricket. Good Jesus H Corbett what a shower.
10 comments:
Keeping things in perspective 25 bn is 4% of the total defence budget. In a political climate where Britains influence is fading faster than the sun sets our access to Nuclear weapons (and a population that will buy anything any other country wants to sell) we need all the bully boy toys we can lay our grubby imperialist paws on. Who knows what the state the world will be in in twenty years time, best to invest in our doomsday devices now and get a head start on every other poxy middle eastern country that'll be scrutinising thermonuclear instruction manuals. Korea got away with it why wont they!? We must arm! With fuck off big weapons.
Personally I would favour teeny weeny weapons myself, ones which would kill precisely who they're supposed to and leave the rest of us to enjoy ourselves in relative peace. I can forsee no problems whatsoever. And don't challenge me, I have aforementioned weapons in obscence amounts. Right here. Very close. Very close indeed...
I agree with you Mr Fric, and feel exactly the same way - unless you have the runs at the moment in which case not exactly the same, but I agree with both the war thing and the advert thing. I must admit, the latter effects me more directly and on a more regular basis, but if I had grenades and the like flying through my windows every five minutes I'm sure I would feel differently.
On a lighter note Mr Fric, I left a message on your answermaphone, but just in case you don't get it, we're playing in the Tav tomorrow(Thursday). It would be great if you could come along; as it's the last gig of the year, the last one at the Tav for a good while and also quite close to Christmas, Ant and I are staying in town for some 'fun'. Would you like to join in with said 'fun'?
no i prefer big ones. Shaped like gigantic phalli. with which to patrol the oceans of the world. Come on don't you think it's super cool that we've got these terrifying mega death weapons cruising below the sea ready to inflict righteous vengeance on any little scrote of a country that wont buy our beef.
besides, france has got them.
The only reason for having a big missile is to throw the fact that you have a very small penis into sharp relief.
That's why I think that American Presidents should only be allowed into the Oval Office on the basis of large willy size. If they have a big cock then they'll be so comfortable with themselves that they'll never be tempted to push the button.
Politically this could work so much better than the Mexican stand-off we would potentially have caused by having a load of countries with thermonuclear materiel at their disposal (and for the disposal of other countries) and very itchy trigger-fingers... all you have to do is put it about that 'he who shoots first has the smallest John Thomas' and none of them will even contemplate instigating nuclear armageddon!
The willy; the cause of and solution to so many of life's problems.
I always feel extremely comfortable with myself but I must admit the idea of an endless supply of jelly beans would be a reason to occupy the Oval Office. For those in the know ¨Give us a word Mr.President¨ and the word was?
Jelly bean. No that's two words. Peanut butter.
The word 'John Thomas' is possibly the best euphenism ever. I salute your deft use hughes.
School boy posturing of our world leaders aside I'm still in favour of Nuclear weapons. We have to remember the extra terrestrial threat. Didn't you people watch the 'Invasion' mini series on ITV the ND's people! Don't forget about the ND's
It's a well known fact to almost everyone who knows it that extra terrestrials are afraid of the herpes virus. All we need to do is scrape a couple of slappers off the Kingsway on a Saturday night and set them loose in the spacecraft and the ETs will be dead before you can say "anal probe". No need for Nukes!
Post a Comment