Exploits of the Frictionless Man as it wanders around the world like some kind of slippery hydra. Music, words and pictures a speciality.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Your spunky Uncle.

Every day more news to fill me with Rage! Frictionless Man SMASH! Poor young women who are vulnerable and ignored are murdered in Ipswich to the delight of a salacious media who can’t help but revel in the fact that they are prostitutes. Not just report it, but revel in it, like a dog in cow shit. Kill two prostitutes and you also qualify as a Ripper. Ripper, mate!

Then the thrice damned government pressure the Serious Fraud Office to call off a criminal investigation into the affairs of BAE and the Saudis. That’s not supposed to happen, that’s wrong that is. National Security? I do not believe it for a second. We’ve got a snowball’s chance of a handcart to hell, to borrow a mixed metaphor. I’m moving to Ceres, which is a dwarf planet not an asteroid, and I’m going to catch comets in a net and use them to create intelligent life. That or I am going to stop reading the news because it just makes me feel so doomed. FRICTIONLESS MAN DOOMED!

Apparently the Portuguese government is a coalition between two parties, one far left and one far right. The two leaders of the respective parties are in fact brothers. Twin brothers. They must have some fun come conference time.

“We must tax the highest earners and redistribute the wealth.”

“Waaaaa?”

And so forth.

We had a power cut on Friday night. Rhys had made us some sangria, of all things, and we were just about to tuck in when all the lights on the street went out and all the lights in the houses on the street went out to boot. We retreated to the dining room and sat around a candle. Some people faced with this situation would make small talk or tell ghost stories or complain about the government. We tried to play our wine glasses and when, after quarter of an hour of squeaking and rumbling noises led us to the conclusion that we were not going to conjure any ethereal music from them we decided to hum and whistle at the same time. It’s a bit tricky but with practice you can make a really irritating noise. If this means the art of conversation is dead, then long may it remain so. Who needs words?

Balp spung.

I need words. Falve gooclet. I need words like durrnt and wonsonomonomonon.

Christmas is nearly here. Shits to it.

15 comments:

the loose moose said...

not alot that reminds you of kittens and sunshine then? The Ipswich stuff is pretty appalling Even Paxman refers to them as 'prostitutes' not 'young girls' or even 'victims'. The BAE stuff is only really galling because we were caught out. What the hell happened!? Britain used to do that kinda stuff all the time and no one ever even knew! So now we're immoral AND incompetent to boot. it hurts. It really does.

Mr Frictionless said...

I suppose it was the only alternative, since the Saudis were threatening to take their business to France.

As far as getting stuff right goes, if this country was a man he would be Norman Wisdom. He should be David Niven for the love of Guuurop. FRICTIONLESS MAN SHAMED!

objectintherearviewmirror said...

So, Mr.Frictionless, what did Pinochet want? By your silence on the subject I must have hit a raw nerve.

~:~Pips~:~ said...

Hey, Bro-in-law;)
I just want to wish you a merry christmas since you won't be there on x-mas eve.
I can understand why that Ipswich-murderer gets to you. I mean I was pretty shocked about and I don't even live nearby.
Give my sister a lot of hugs if you read this before I see her.:)
Merry x-mas, love ur sis-in-law...

Hughes the Booze said...

I suppose if the Ipswich murderer was killing firemen then Paxman would say "He's killed five firemen" so the words "He's killed five prostitutes" aren't in and of themselves sensationalist, I agree that it's being reported in the most sickening and disheartening way but it's the fact that much of the media appear to be almost delighting in the salacious nature of the girls' profession by rehashing it every which way, (going on about how they were driven into it by drugs, interviewing clients etc...) that makes it so sick.

morriston burns said...

In the words of Oliver Stone, "Nothing much changes 'round here". Nice one Ollie.

Mr Frictionless said...

That Pinochet gets me so angry I can barely type. He called me from the netherworld to ask me not to drag my bum across his grave when they finally stick him in a hole. I won't be swayed by spectres!

the loose moose said...

fireMEN though, it's got it covered to a certain extent. Still, I hate the thought of being reduced to a structuralist entity. The killer may have seen/be seeing him/herself as killing 'prostitutes' and not recognised the people, and constantly reiterating that seems to me like playing into his/her hands to a certain extent.

objectintherearviewmirror said...

It must be wonderful to be perfect like you Mr. Frictionless. Unfortunately I am not perfect but strive to do my best as I travel along life´s way. How can you wish a merry christmas to someone who thinks christmas is ¨shit¨?

Mr Frictionless said...

Yes, being perfect is quite nice. You can wish me a merry Christmas, I don't do any asassinations in the festive period.

Mrs. Prosser said...

Does the moose have a problem with the word prostitute. I mean let´s be right they weren´t bus drivers or train drivers. Sadly through tragic circumstances these young women took up the legal profession of prostitution. There are many who say they provide a useful service. Let´s not add more insult to them by denying what their profession was.

morriston burns said...

How very considerate and p.c. that Mr Moose should acknowledge the possibility of the killer being a woman, however unlikely that is.

morriston burns said...

Oh, and when did Mr Frictionless claim to be, or give the impression that he was perfect?

Mr Frictionless said...

Although he is.

the loose moose said...

Prostitution and the problems it engenders are an entirely seperate issue. I think that to a certain extent the tragedy of these womens fate has somehow been labelled as par for the course when working as a round the corner sally. I don't really have a problem with prostitutes per se, but prostitution as it stands currently in britain... That's a different pot of birds.